my-cute-father-banyak-yang-meneteskan-air-mata


How can I selfishly think about my own future, my own happiness and what i want to do and have in my life when I know, all this time, I haven't done enough for my parents, I haven't been filial enough to them. How can I think of my own happiness when I know they are not happy enough in their age? I really don't know what I should do first. Above all of my urgency to become happy, I can't be happy if I knew I can't make them happy. But how happy can they be, how do I know what to do to make them happy? I just.... don't want to run out of the time. I don't want to regret, using my time to chase my own happiness, when I knew that my real source of happiness is them.

You know what the saddest part is? They don;t know that, and I can't show that. I can't show that they are actually the most important thing to me. They are the reason why i keep crying all the time everytime i remember them. They are still alive, but i am always, ALWAYS crying whenever I think of them. I remember those awful words i gave to them, i remember how unfilial I was, but I don't know how to change it. i don't what I can do to redeem all those sins. I want to be always with them. But they don't know that. They think that I will be happy if I get good jobs, good money, good education. no it's not. Those things will never make me happy if I can't have them. I just, I don't want to face the time when they should leave. I can't never be ready for it. Only thinking about it has already brought a river of tears in my eyes. I probably will be soo depressed. I don't want that time ever come. But sadly it will, someday.