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How can I selfishly think about my own future, my own happiness and what i want to do and have in my life when I know, all this time, I haven't done enough for my parents, I haven't been filial enough to them. How can I think of my own happiness when I know they are not happy enough in their age? I really don't know what I should do first. Above all of my urgency to become happy, I can't be happy if I knew I can't make them happy. But how happy can they be, how do I know what to do to make them happy? I just.... don't want to run out of the time. I don't want to regret, using my time to chase my own happiness, when I knew that my real source of happiness is them.

You know what the saddest part is? They don;t know that, and I can't show that. I can't show that they are actually the most important thing to me. They are the reason why i keep crying all the time everytime i remember them. They are still alive, but i am always, ALWAYS crying whenever I think of them. I remember those awful words i gave to them, i remember how unfilial I was, but I don't know how to change it. i don't what I can do to redeem all those sins. I want to be always with them. But they don't know that. They think that I will be happy if I get good jobs, good money, good education. no it's not. Those things will never make me happy if I can't have them. I just, I don't want to face the time when they should leave. I can't never be ready for it. Only thinking about it has already brought a river of tears in my eyes. I probably will be soo depressed. I don't want that time ever come. But sadly it will, someday.

I lost count of how long has it been since the last time I posted in this blog. Not actually because I have been busy during the time, but more of a lazy me in action again. Yep!! I checked it, and it was MARCH,  the last time I posted something here. Lets count, March, April, May, June, July, August, and now,,, September. Wow,,, six freaking months!! Now I am wondering to find excuses for not posting for every single month. Hahaha.

Long story short, here I am again, committing myself to write and fill these beautiful pages of my blog with (hopefully) daily, or weekly updates of my life. Why?? No other reason, I really dont want this AWESOME moment of my life to be remembered only in the form of narcissistic pictures, and unstructured post at facebook or path. I also want my students, my friends, and people who might just come across this blog, looking for some info about the things I will talk about, get some useful entertainment and information.

Okay, so... enough with the chit chat, lets start blogging!! Oh yeah and by the way, I have this brilliant idea of making my post into two different format. I will write here in English, and also write in bahasa Indonesia and post it on my wordpress page. Just in case someone with not really enough reading skills in English wish to read and gain info from this website.

long time no see ^^

Wow...
It's been such a long time since I wrote in this blog. I cockily sweard myself that I would write often here, but apparently I am still consistent with my lazy self. Hahaha...

Okay, it has been about 3- 4 months since the last time I wrote my brains out in this blog. If you look at my previous post which was on November, so there have been 3 months passed. December, January, February, and here we come on March. Time flies so fast for sure. I even didn't realize that it went faster than I would have expected it to. I surely never mention any of my personal stuffs here, but deep down there I;ve honestly been waiting for something to happen between March to April. I've been crossing my fingers since forever and I earnestly wish that some good news will come this month.

Chinese business

Well, first of all, I want to declare that I am no a racist, I just admire and salute of some race's etiquette in life that I think can be an inspiration for us all. I recently experience an event that makes me think about a long life lesson. I want us, you and me, my blog readers, to ponder about it together. So, lets begin.

I believe that we all are familiar with the statue above. Yeah,,, a cat statue that is believed to attract prosperity to those who display it in front of their stall. Almost all stores owned by chinese have these kind of ornament. And in fact, many people believe in it, even those who are not chinese. Stores, shops, stalls, or any kind of business things owned by a chinese tend to be successful (well at least that what happens in my city) and gain many properity in their life.

I personally think that this statue has no super power whatsoever. I think that the success of chinese business come from ther ETTIQUETTE and ATTITUDE, the way they hold their principle and the way they treat their customers. I think there are some principle that I can conclude from some chinese stores/ business owners that I have met so far.

First, they never give up. Big trees can impossibly be there in a blink of eye. it must grow from a seed, small tree and finally it become bigger and bigger. And the most important thing is that we have to always water it regularly. I learned that Chinese never give up with what they started. Whenever they decide to make a business, they will nurture it, until it gets bigger. When I studied in my teens, I took an English course, from which I can posses this brilliant skills in English, called IMPRESS. At that time (2000- 2005) it was quite a big course (as it is now, it's even a lot bigger than then): it has big building with 4 classrooms and a language lab for listening, several students' bathroom and a cafetaria, it also has HUGE numbers of students. You could see how demanded it was from how crowded it was in a graduation time. Someone (I think it was one of the employee there or my relative, I don't remember) told me that apparently this IMPRESS grew from a small rented house with 2 classrooms and a bathroom. It was back then when the owner started this business. And now? in 2013? you can't imagine how big it has grown. It is even bigger than an actual public school. Well, not in a literal physical speaking from the wide or spacious the land is, but from how it is wellknown even by students across the neighbour city. You know what is their recipe? PRESERVERANCE. I can imagine how it will be if the owner has given up since the early stage of their business. Obviously, their preserverance is as thinck as the great wall of China. They never give up with their fate.

Second, they provide QUALITY in their service. Well... I can't say the same for the electronic product that their origin country produce though. What I mean by quality here is the quality of their services. They always treat their customers well, never dissapoint them and provide a warm and helpful service so that many of them get a welcome hint to be back there.
I personally experience this thing back then when I was going to repair my wrist watch in my hometown Pekalongan. my watch was kinda precious as it held many memories as being the first watch I bought with my own money I earned from my first job. So when it was broken I brought it to a chinese watch repair stall near my office. At first he (the chinese stall owner) managed to repair my watch, but it was broken for the second, third, and fourth time. I was sooo frustarted that I nearly decided to buy a new one. However, as I said before that it was such a precious thing for its memory, I then decided to bring it back to the stall to have it repaired. And the man STILL remember me! He even repair it for free. He said that it was part of his stall's service to provide full services for its customer. I was like... wow... that's the true power of chinese business. No wonder that they become the successor of business in all part of this country, even in parts of the world!

What so called a first post

It's actually so silly of me to create this blog eventhough I know myself well that I am not the kind of person who like to write. I am indeed an auditory kind of  person. I can study better with audiovisual media such as video, music, movies, etc. In line with the way i comprehend things, the way i express my feelings or my idea also come out from preety like the same way. I prefer speaking out my ideas and feeling by sharing them directly to my bestfriends, my family, etc.

However, as I feel kind of lonely recently, and also there are MANY things happen to me since I move my residency in my new environtment here, I have the urge to spit out my minds in a media in which no one will not judge or blame me. A media that will give no harm or backfire me. As you know that sometimes sharing your feelings or mind to your surrounding can be a wrong move specially when you live in a  new society where you still can not trust everyone around you.

Therefore, I decide to revive my old blog, the blog that I have created long time ago. I promise that I will try to write everyday. I will make it as a diary. I am very much indpired bu Dumbledore's Pensieve in which he always keep his important memory in. I think that a blog is a modern and realistic unmagical form of Dumbledore's pensieve. It can save our memories, things that happen to us, and our biggest treasure; idea.

So, here we are, day 1 of my blog revival. i might not be able to design my blog with excellent and outstanding design as everyone else as I am not an expert in that field, but i will try to at least make it presentable.

Well, that's enough I think for something what so called first post. I personally hope and encourage myself to write CONSISTENTLY in this blog.

See you around, peeps.